Start Me Up...

Start : To begin or set out, as on a journey or activity.

We are always starting over, starting again, restarting, jump starting.  As long as it includes the word "start" I am good.  Of course, ending can be a good word too, as in the end of the road, end of an ordeal or “The End”.  We want to avoid "It ended badly".

Starting means there is movement; something happening, possibilities, things to look for ahead.  Of course, we can start and never move past that point.  Projects we have started, jobs we started, relationships started, education started - but somehow we never followed through.

So along with the word start, I like completion. Completion:  Conclusion, fulfillment - having every necessary part or element; entire.

We start something and we see it through.  Completion can be different than "finished" as we can “Be finished with that" and it may mean we started but never completed something.

Life is a series of starts, stalls, stops, finishes and hopefully completions.  Starting and completing one thing always leads to another as we should never be quite "done".  To live we must continue on to the next thing, expanding our mind, our views, our love and lives.  Life is about movement, expansion, cycles, seasons.

I have heard several sermons that included the words "Before God started the world, He finished it", meaning He had it all planned before He put it in motion - made escapes for all our mishaps, solutions for all our problems. No "new" thing we humans think up had not been already perceived by God and He made sure to have a solution for it.  

I ponder that periodically.  Now, I don't happen to think that it means we have no choice in our lives or that all is "preplanned", therefore making no difference in how we live as it will all end up the same.  No I think that what it means is that God has created a place for us to make choices, mistakes, walk paths, explore possibilities and have a great time doing it.  Life is a grand journey and there is no "one" road that will take us to our life's purpose.  I happen to believe if your road includes a heart felt seeking of God, then you are on the right one. God will take care of the rest.

The road you take may be too steep for me and the road I am on may not have enough scenery for you.  Thats one of the cool things about God, we are all created uniquely and the possibilities are endless and anything but boring.  I don't think the people who believe we all have to do it the same way have read much of the bible, as it is filled with people finding their path and purpose in God many different ways. Jesus was the best example of not doing things the accepted way and His path is the one I choose to follow.

One of the great lessons I have learned in life is a quote from a sermon heard many years ago: "All that I know is not all there is to know".  A lesson learned more recently is my own quote:  "All that you know is not all there is to know".  Its the combination of many you's and me's that make it complete. There we are, back to the concept of "completion".

Some things take a lifetime to complete, other things can be done in shorter time spans. Your completion of a task may not have the same end result as my completion of that same task.  The only sure thing is that the completion of one always leads us to another and our challenge is to recognize where we should focus our energies.  We just have to start somewhere.


Sue Barnard
August 2012

Haters....

I wrote this piece because I was so disturbed by what I see many in the body of Christ use as an excuse for hiding their "true" selves from people...haters. I had heard it just one too many times in finding out news about people I had shared my life with for years, then finding out from someone else news that should have been shared personally with those that loved them.

Others must share my sentiment, because at poetry events, it is my most requested piece.

HATERS

Haters, Haters everywhere…Haters, Haters, I don’t care!

I am sick of hearing about haters as if they are a threat
Why worry what they say; why do we break a sweat?

We talk about the haters and the damage that they wield
The only damage I can see is when we choose to conceal

Afraid that news of what you do will be out on the street
The bad news and the good news to yourself you keep

You keep things under wraps, afraid the haters just might hear
Since when do things of darkness cause people of God to fear?

Concealing all your business because you are afraid
But was keeping out the haters worth the price you’ve paid?

Behind your guarded gate, you’ve locked out lovers as well
Because you choose to hide yourself behind a darkened veil

Those that love and care are hurt and dismayed
What happened to all those years together, the prayers that were prayed?

The faith that said we can overcome anything
Seeing that faith snuffed away brings quite a sting

Locking out the lovers for fear of those who hate
Keeps transparency behind that guarded gate

My God is mightier than any hater’s words
He alone will choose my fate, He will be my guard

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me
We forget the lessons learned as early as the nursery

I cut my teeth on adversity, scandal and hard times
Having my first child at 14 wasn’t considered sublime

My divorce and remarriage created quite a stir
Causing some peoples vision to temporarily blur

I can’t say it doesn’t hurt me that people act up so
But I won’t shut out my friends because I worry about a foe

The word says the power of life and death is held in our tongue
I believe life trumps the death of the hating one

Whatever you focus on is magnified the man of God has said
So why focus on the haters and what they choose to spread?

Haters haters everywhere; haters haters I don’t care!

Why focus on the haters when lovers are the key?
Haters only want to bind, but lovers set us free

Free to be honest, real, who we truly are
With this kind love and freedom we don’t have to be a liar

Can’t you see the lovers just waiting for your call?
People who reach out to you, even when you fall

Lovers who long to share in your pain, triumphs and joys
Yet you choose to keep them away with elaborate ploys

Some say I’m a hater because I make my thoughts known
I say come back and see me when your mind has grown

Haters, Haters everywhere…Haters, Haters, I don’t care!

 

All We Need Is Love...

We all want to be loved, don’t we? But what is this thing called love?

When I think of love, so many things encompass my mind. If you asked 20 people to define love, you may get 20 different answers. Perhaps many of us don’t really understand this thing called love – even though we desire it, yearn for it and make so many choices in the pursuit of it.

If you have never felt love, seen love, given love – you are confused by those of us who spend so much time thinking about it. Because true love, deep love, passionate love - it changes you. It messes you up. In a quote from one of my favorite movies “Moonstruck”, it “ruins everything”.

Love is an emotion, a feeling, an action, a thought, a deed. It can be associated with most anything one might do on this earth. An act that appears to one person as so simple, so minute they give it little thought, can be considered one of the deepest examples of love to another.

The scripture has some things to say about love...Love is patient, love is kind, it is not quick to anger, love endures all. Such nice descriptions, such good things. But another scripture says that God is love, and that He first loved us and sent His son to die for us…. the crucifixion. Something that those of us who call upon the name of Jesus look at as the greatest example of love ever - was violent and ugly. I relate to both sides of this coin. It is the perplexity of this thing called love, on the one hand so gentle, so beautiful, and the next moment it brings a grief that can rip your heart in two.

There are times when in the loving of one person, we hurt another. Not long after Bill and I got married, my mom came to live with us. She could no longer live on her own and we welcomed her into our home. When she came to live with us we had a great deal going on. First, Bill and I were newly married. Second, I had my own business, plus a part time job. And last but not least, my youngest Anna, who was about 14 at the time, was going through a very dark period. She refused to go to school, didn’t talk (except to say “I don’t know” at evey question posed to her) and was “sulkingly” trying to adjust to a divorced and remarried mom.

The care of my mom, my business, and my daughter required a great deal of me and I had to make choices. I loved very deeply all those in this “triangle” - my mom, my partner in the business who was also my friend and my baby girl. But I knew the drowning of me would help no one and I had to choose where my attentions would lie. I chose Anna. In choosing to focus on her, I had to kick my mom out and leave the business behind. Hurting my mom and partner in the process, but I believe saving Anna’s life. And I have no doubt her life was in the balance. Thankfully, years later, Anna safely grown, I got another chance to care for my mom and reunite with my partner and friend. Love covers a multitude of sins and triumphs over all.

Where there is love, there is certainly joy, but, as mentioned before, this same love can bring raging pain and sorrow. Because when we love, we hurt. If we did not love, most likely much of the hurt would not come, but then, neither would the joy. So, this love I speak of is a choice. If we choose to open our heart to love and be loved, we also choose to open our heart to pain and sorrow.

A good example of this “schizophrenia” of love happened when Bill and I were dating. Soon after we began our relationship, I found myself in love with him, truly in love for the first time at 40 years old. The previous year, I divorced after being married 25 years, having never experienced the things I was with Bill. I was so unfamiliar with this new condition, it put me in somewhat of a panic and I was unsure what was happening to me. But as a great friendship grew into something “other than”, leaving the platonic behind and moving into courtship, I was thrilled with the wonder of being “in love”. With it, came the sense of “need” for this other person in my life. The fact was, yes, if I had to, I could live without this person, but I did not WANT TO. Having him in my life added, completed, complimented, challenged. I allowed myself to NEED him. The coolest thing…he loved me back. I was head over heels and he was too – we both jumped in and allowed this new found love to envelope us.

But, there were times when we would be together, that this overwhelming sadness would come upon me. I would be in his arms, and would begin to weep with sorrow, heaving with tears. I became filled with a sadness that did not seem to fit with this wonderful joy I had. It was the bitter and the sweet…I was so joyful that this love had come my way, but so bitter and saddened that I had lived so long without it. I had never known fully what I was missing.

Poor Bill. A perfectly good make out time interrupted by these bursts of tears. I am sure it perplexed him as much as it did me, because when these times of sorrow would come, he would ask no questions, gently lay my head on his shoulder, let me cry and with his hand on my head, softly pray in tongues over me till the tears stopped. And little by little, I was cleansed of my sorrow, able to bask in the safety of his love.

I know there are those who guard their heart from loving too deeply, afraid of hurt and pain. But of all the love I have given and all of the love I have received, the best love has always been the one given in abandon, with the whole heart. It’s the love that bares ones soul and leaves you “out there - to’ up draws” and all, nothing hidden; extreme. Have I gotten hurt? Damn right, more times than I can count. But this one thing about love I know for sure, I have never been sorry that I have given it, but regret has come when I have withheld it.

The pain of love, the joy of love. It is a mystery how the two can reside as one, but I know I can’t live without the joy of it, so for that joy I will gladly risk the pain.